life has gone a full circle in recent times. i admire the futility that life has. it is an ever changing game of expectations. there is not even a single moment when my mind does not stop thinking, does not stop expecting and does not feel anguish or despair. while i should be thankful to Thou for giving me some wonderful moments i am always insecure and vulnerable.

i am aware of all this as i write and want to get over it. live life like life and whatever inspiring quotes i hear from people or read in books. the sayings that mind must be free of thoughts and egoless. i respect it and do intend to follow it, but it is very very idealistic to my standards.

i just want to cry cry and cry my heart out on my friend shoulder. i want to say all my doubts and all my apprehensions to you. i want you to listen to me and just listen to me only. but alas i cannot muster the courage to ask my friend. why do i think that u will leave me and go astray. why do i think that u will become indifferent to me. i dote on my friends like anything and give them my unequal care. i will/shall not expect anything in return but it invariably happens. this cycle is vicious and i m getting vanquished in it. i m dying a slow death dear and it is very painful. there is no one to share it with. why don't u come, just come once and ask me to reveal everything to u. please, ask me out, please take me somewhere. i m not gonna last long and i don't have the courage to ask u a favor. please come to me my friend just this once....